I love me some quotes. The best ones in my opinion describe a lifetime of knowledge and experience in no more than a single paragraph and then leaves you reevaluating your thoughts and beliefs about your life and the world around you.
1. “Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is...The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds.” - Dan Millman
I first read this quote after reading this guys book (The Peaceful Warrior). This quote sums up a lot of what this Dan said in his book. One particular scene in the book stands out. The teacher, the student, and a female friend were having a picnic and it started to rain. The teacher and female friend embraced the rain and laughed about it. The student got angry because he saw the rain as ruining the picnic. Then, he got even angrier because the other two weren't angry... worse (to him), they were enjoying the moment. The student questioned as to why they could be so happy by the ruined picnic and the master responded with:
"Neither your disappoint nor your anger was caused by the rain. The rain was a perfectly lawful display of nature. Your 'upset' at the ruined picnic and your 'happiness' when the sun reappeared were the product of your thoughts. They had nothing to do with the actual events. Haven't you been 'unhappy' at celebrations for example? It is obvious then that your mind, not other people or your surroundings, is the source of your moods."
This passage and quote stuck with me. Many times i've seen myself cursing Mondays simply because they are Mondays. How dumb is that? But honestly, we as human beings will look for everyone and everything to blame for our current state of mind other then ourselves. No answers will be learned that way.
2. "There are stories of people coming to the Buddha and saying, "I am leaving your teaching because you have not told me whether there is a life after death or whether there is another world." The Buddha says, "Did I ever say I would give you the answer to these things?" His follower responds, "No Lord you didn't." The Buddha says, "Why do you think that I never said that I would give you the answers to these things? Because these are not the things you need to know. The thing that you need to know is how to deal with suffering. Because at this very moment what made you ask that question was suffering." - Buddha
The last sentence of this quote slapped me in the face. The Buddha understands that these questions stem from fear, attachment, and desire which lead to suffering. Worrying about these questions will not add a single moment to your life as Matthew said in his Gospel. Worrying about it won't do you any good. Infact, your worrying is the problem. Find out why and fix it.
3. "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world yet lose his soul?" - Gospels of Matthew & Mark
Simple-stupid is how i see this quote. If you have to step on everyone and everything to get what you want, then you will have lost everything and gained nothing.
4. "Nothing can resist the human will that will stake even its existence on its stated purpose." - Benjamin Disraeli
This is a quote i came across recently. The wording of it is just perfect. I interpret it as... your goals are only as real as your willpower to achieve them. And if that willpower is as strong as your will to live then almost nothing can stop you.
5. “When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” - Tom Robbins
This quote really ties in with the first one. We all want happiness and fulfillment but we never seem to give it to ourselves. Yes i said, "give it to ourselves". We all seem conditioned to believe that things and people will give it to us. This is a problem i haven't cracked for myself yet, but i know that it is a major problem. I mean where do you start with this one? Drugs, cars, sex, toys, clothes, parties, money, fame, relationships, and on, and on. Everyone has a vision of how 'badass' there life will be with all of these things... how much more happy/fulfilled they will be, and time after time we are proven wrong. But we're all soooo stubborn. We have been conditioned so much from birth to believe all these things will give us what we want, and when it fails to be true time and again we 'think' that we did it wrong somehow, or bought the wrong thing.
The Bible clearly states that Jesus relied on none of these things. The Buddha relied on none of these things. Yet, most of us would think it to be the end of the world if we didn't have a car, really nice clothes, lots of money, and many other things. We're deluded. Worse, most of us don't even question these obvious delusions.
The quote itself deals with what might be the most severe one. I say that because it seems like it always has the most at risk. You start mixing in kids, family, property, money, strong feelings, and you get some of the ugliest situations ever. In this day and age more then half of all marriages end in divorce. So flip a coin... . Many of us believe that 'special someone' is going to be the solution to all of our problems. That everything that pains us will be just whisked away. Happily ever after right? The problem is your working things the wrong way... just like quote two. The truth is your relationship is most likely just covering everything up. Eventually, that band-aid will fall off, old wounds will fester, and you will suffer.
Enough of that. How about some Bruce Lee inspiration...
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Just Be Real...
“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world." - Buddha
I've had multiple incidents lately with various people that have just left me feeling kind of "bleh". If I know the truth, and you know the truth, then why bullshit me? Do you think you're ego can't take it? Do you think mine can't? Word of advice... I plan on seeing the sun rise tomorrow... so just go ahead and be real with me. I will deal with it because I MUST.
I've gotten to the point where the words coming out of someones mouth mean nothing to me unless their character backs it up. It as if... if you want to know the true meaning behind something you must take someones words, compare those words to their actions, and only then can you really ascertain the true meaning.
The worst... I mean WORST thing about it is... most people have been so full of their own bullshit for so long that they've forgotten how to wipe properly. I'm not immune to this, but, I can honestly say I actively try wipe myself once in a while.
Seriously though, just be real. If you want to tell me I'm a jerk, then do it. If you think I'm a sexy beast, then say it. If you think I'm ignorant, dumb, a genius, wierd, etc... then JUST SAY IT. What really stinks is you can't force someone to do this. Yup, free will ... its a butt kicker. All you can do is sit back and hope that a miracle happens.
I think I just find this whole thing annoying because it is just a waste of time really. It's wasting my time... and your time. Honestly, if were just going to sit around and toss sarcasms, lies, games, fluff, bullcrap, ignorance, and everything else that shields the truth then whats the point? Do people really think they can have lasting relationships under those terms? It's no surprise that 50% of all marriages these days end in divorce. I'm going to take that statistic one step further:
- If you can't communicate with yourself properly... then you certainly wont be able to with your husband/wife.
- If you can't communicate with your husband/wife... then you certainly wont be able to with your friends.
- If you can't communicate with your friends... then you certainly wont be able to with strangers.
- If you can't communicate with strangers... then you have nothing.
So, the way I read that statistic above is that 50% of the people in this country are so full of bullshit that they are utterly and completely miserable because there is no truth in their lives. Being real is the only way forward in my opinion. And that starts with the self.
Here is a great movie scene that descibes some of my rant:
Sunday, June 5, 2011
RANT PART 1
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”
- Buddha
LIFE IS STRUGGLE WHICH HELP US PREPARE FOR WHAT IS TO COME
A buddy of mine at work was telling me about how his friend was talking to a priest. The friend said to the priest, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" The priest simply responded, "Because this isn't heaven." While I like the statement i think it could be better explained. Bad things don't happen. Events happen, and we as human beings love to attach meaning to those events. I remember reading about a guy that got hit by a drunk driver. What a terrible thing! Yet, while recovering at the hospitals the doctors found and removed a malignant tumor thereby saving the mans life. Praise the Lord! In that case, most would probably say getting hit by that drunk driver was a good thing. Get the point? Events happen and 'OUR LIFE' unfolds based on how we interpret those events.
It's only until recently that I have viewed God as the ultimate parent. If God was a parent that handed everything to us on a silver platter ... what then could we possibly learn? We would be weak. Life is struggle. And thats Gods way of strengthening us for what is to come.. The scene below is from the TV show LOST and it says pretty much the same thing:
SELF-INTEREST REIGNS ABOVE ALL
Everyones actions are dictated by feelings. Therefore, i belive everything people do is based off of self-interest. Please don't mix that with selfishness. Selfishness is being exclusively concerned with ones self without regards to others. It is merely self-interest with an evil twist. Cooperation is what i would describe as the ideal path. Cooperation is essentially helping yourself and helping others at the same time. The best of both worlds so to speak. The way i think of it is, "If what i do is good for me and everyone else... then it is ultimately the best choice." Below is a scene from the movie Coach Carter in which the young man recites a very famous quote by Marianne Williamson:
As we conquer our own fears and our own problems in what appears to be a purely selfish endeavor, somewhere along the way, our struggles have given hope to another. We all benefit individually, and as a whole.
PEOPLE ARE BLINDED BY THEMSELVES
I've been number one on this list a few times!
You... what is you? You are your interpretation of all the events of your life. The physical world you create around you is a projection of your internal self. That old saying, "You are the company you keep" is absolutely right. The people you hold close around you speak volumes to what you value and believe. How you dress, what you say, what car you drive, what you do for fun, etc. are all glimpses of you. Somewhere during your life an event happened in which you interpreted specific truths as to how things are and how you should be. If you saw a guy and a hot girl in a corvette you might believe that corvettes can score you a hot girl. Likewise, your view of what a hot girl is most likely has something to do with events you reasoned to believe certain things.
I like playing poker. It's actually taught me a lot of truths. One thing a lot of poker players will tell you is that it is easier to see what is going on in a hand between two people if you're sitting on the side watching. Yet, when you're the one in a hand... things get a little dicey. Why? Because we blind ourselves. We start wanting to believe things that aren't true even when the facts stipulate otherwise. We get in our own damn way! So, if you want a clear interpretation as to whether or not you migh be doing something dumb ... listen to a few people who are on the outside looking in and aren't blinded by their own emotions, needs, and desires. Try and get a clear perspective.
We are all victims of looking foolish because we can't break free of stupid beliefs that are obviously wrong (see the previous paragraph for reason). Common stuff:
- You've traded your car in seven times in one year and opted for a better one each time. You're now 20 grand in the hole and things aren't better. What did you do... you did it again for the eith time. And guess what... things aren't better.
- Twenty pounds of muscle will get me where i want to be and ill be satisfied. Nope... hmm... lets do ten more... nope. WTF?
- I'm going to win back my money this time playing blackjack. Nope... sucker. This time im going to win it back! Nope... sucker.
- I need a line of coke because i feel like crap. 10-4 ... here you go. 2 hours later ... i need a line of coke ...i feel like crap.
- Those shoes will make me the coolest kid at school. Yup... just like snorting that line of coke will make you uber cool and feel ultra great.
- Dude... this time its different with this girl! Where did you meet her? Same place as the last one! What does she like to do? Same things as the last one! No bro... she's different! Okie-dokie
"You must unlearn what you have learned." - Yoda
"Luke: I don't believe it! Yoda: That is why you fail."
If what you're doing isn't making life better then the beliefs you've grown up with are corrupted and you must unlearn what you have learned. Finally, if you don't believe in yourself, if you can't take the risk, conquer your fear, or take a leap of faith...well... then you have failed before you've begun. If you can't commit with you're whole body and mind then it is also pointless. As Yoda says (its actually a buddhist teaching), "Try not! Do, or do not! There is no try!"
/end RANT PART1
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Losing Weight
Someone wanted me to blog about this so here it goes nothing. Losing weight isn't hard. Ya, thats right, it isn't hard. Insert Bertstare...
Some people reading this are going to say, "Well ya... it's easy to say that when you're skinny." Honestly, I've gotten that more times then I can count. It's as if all I do is go home, sit on the couch, and watch TV and the pounds fall off. For years i've been spending time in the gym busting my ass to stay in shape so i can do the physical activities that i enjoy. What is really interesting, I get teased a lot from the way i look, to working out too much (as if an hour a day is a lot), to what I eat/don't eat, and more. It's kind of a social taboo in the adult world to openly make fun of people that are out of shape, yet, it's interesting how much flack I see people get for combating weight gain. The psychology behind that is a whole different blog so I'll get to the real point of this blog and save my mindless ranting.
CALORIES IN vs. CALORIES OUT. Thats all it is... i can't repeat that enough times. You could eat Honey Buns all day if you wanted to and you will lose weight as long as you burn more calories than you consume eating Honey Buns. One of my bosses that lost a lot of weight used to say, "If you don't eat like a chunky butt ... you won't be a chunky butt." I had mad respects for this because he openly acknowledge what was a fault in his mind (didn't beat around the bush) and took action to fix it. You can't ask for anything more. Furthermore, he didn't do anything but limit the calories going in. I think he lost something like 70-80lbs.
You're starting point should be figuring out your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). It's is essentially how much energy your body consumes at rest. There are various formulas for calculating it, here is the one I have used:
Yes... i'm aware she has one of those dinky 5lb weights in her hand. Trust me, its for show. She looks good and that is from weights, cardio, and eating good. Muscle is the key to looking younger and feeling younger. Don't believe me? Both these women are in there 50's... note the muscle definition...
Some people reading this are going to say, "Well ya... it's easy to say that when you're skinny." Honestly, I've gotten that more times then I can count. It's as if all I do is go home, sit on the couch, and watch TV and the pounds fall off. For years i've been spending time in the gym busting my ass to stay in shape so i can do the physical activities that i enjoy. What is really interesting, I get teased a lot from the way i look, to working out too much (as if an hour a day is a lot), to what I eat/don't eat, and more. It's kind of a social taboo in the adult world to openly make fun of people that are out of shape, yet, it's interesting how much flack I see people get for combating weight gain. The psychology behind that is a whole different blog so I'll get to the real point of this blog and save my mindless ranting.
CALORIES IN vs. CALORIES OUT. Thats all it is... i can't repeat that enough times. You could eat Honey Buns all day if you wanted to and you will lose weight as long as you burn more calories than you consume eating Honey Buns. One of my bosses that lost a lot of weight used to say, "If you don't eat like a chunky butt ... you won't be a chunky butt." I had mad respects for this because he openly acknowledge what was a fault in his mind (didn't beat around the bush) and took action to fix it. You can't ask for anything more. Furthermore, he didn't do anything but limit the calories going in. I think he lost something like 70-80lbs.
You're starting point should be figuring out your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). It's is essentially how much energy your body consumes at rest. There are various formulas for calculating it, here is the one I have used:
For Men
For Women
P = Total heat production at rest, m = Weight, h = Height, a = Age
So for me at 184lbs (83kg), 6'2 (188cm), and 27 years old my Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is roughly 1,966. Remember though... this is just my body at rest. Futhermore, there are some common things that effect your BMR:
Genetics - Surprise surprise.
Weather - Cold increases your BMR.
Pregnancy - You gotta feed another person duh!
Meals - Small meals more often will increase it.
Age - BMR decreases with age.
Muscle - Increases your BMR.
Crash Diets - I like to call them starvation diets. They decrease your BMR.
Your BMR is really just a starting point. You also have to figure in your daily lifestyle to your weightloss goals. While my BMR is roughly 2000 calories i need to eat probably twice that to maintain my current weight because of my lifestyle. You can use the Harris Benedict Formula to help with that:
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If you take into account your daily activities by using the calculations above. I would guesstimate that if you are the average person that does light activity (#2 above) on a daily basis, then eating at your BMR should put you in enough deficit to drop a pound a week. So for me, when you factor in #2 to my BMR of 2,000 you get 2,750. If i just ate my BMR of 2,000 a day i would be at best -750 calories a day or 5,250 a week. Since a lb of fat is equivalent to 3500 calories then that is at best 1.5lbs a week of fat loss. Realistically its probably more like a pound a week.
Now here is the big kicker and it's something that makes me bertstare all the time...
You CANNOT run to the gym and walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes and then go have Honey Bun and expect to lose weight. I see this a lot at the gym. Someone will walk in, jump on the treadmill for 30 minutes, and then they will go grab a smoothie. Basically, they did nothing but waste their time. The people doing this, i'm guessing, have a big misconception as to how many calories are burned while exercising versus what they're consuming in that smoothie. Walking for 30 minutes burns around 200 calories, while the smoothie they are slurping down is at least equal, double, and possibly triple that amount. Do the math... they're in for a dissapointment.
The best thing you can do is pick up some weights and mix it in with cardio. I'm talking real weights ladies. Not those pink 2.5lb things i see. Trust me, you are not going to look like the lady below without some hormonal magic.
I hate hearing "I don't want big bulky muscles" from women. Sorry, but you're worried about something that isn't going to happen. At worst if you went to the gym every day for a year and mixed weights with cardio you will look like this:
Yes... i'm aware she has one of those dinky 5lb weights in her hand. Trust me, its for show. She looks good and that is from weights, cardio, and eating good. Muscle is the key to looking younger and feeling younger. Don't believe me? Both these women are in there 50's... note the muscle definition...
I'm going to end my rant with a few points:
1. Burn MORE calories than you take in and you will lose weight regardless.
2. Muscle makes it easier to maintain weight.
2. Muscle makes it easier to maintain weight.
3. Muscle tightens and lifts the skin making you look younger.
4. Being fit and having muscles will make you feel younger.
5. Proper nutrition makes a huge impact.
Edit on May 31, 2011 - I just noticed that I put 'Burn less' ... major typo. I can't believe I missed that. Fixed now though.
5. Proper nutrition makes a huge impact.
Edit on May 31, 2011 - I just noticed that I put 'Burn less' ... major typo. I can't believe I missed that. Fixed now though.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Movement is Life
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." - M. Scott Peck
Change, a word that can bring great hope to people. Hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Hope that the pain and suffering will go away. At the same time, the word also strikes great fear in so many souls. Fear that doing something different than you normally do will only make the pain you feel now worse. There is almost no middle ground in the concept. People either wrap themselves up in it or shy away from it like the plague. Yet, there is only one right answer... and that's to embrace it, to welcome it, to put it on your plate, gobble it all up and then ask for more.
Marcus Aurelius was Roman Emperor from 161 A.D. to 180 A.D. He was the last of the "Five Good Emperors" and was one of the most important Stoic philosophers. He wrote this:
"Keep constantly in mind in how many things you yourself have witnessed changes already. The universe is change, life is understanding."
My eyebrow always raises when I hear people say things like, "I can't change" or, "I won't change" and, "This is who I am". Change is reality. It is the way of the world. You don't have to work at change, it is here to stay, it is a fact of life, and life will move forward without regards to you. The best thing you and I can do is adapt, learn, and grow. My eyebrow raises to the statements above because to me they translate to, "I can't learn" and "I won't grow". Once you've quit, given up on yourself, and lost all hope you've just relegated yourself to standing on the sideline. It is the death of your spirit. You've decided that enough is enough and you will embrace the pain and suffering deep down until the day you die. The reality is, you get the spend the rest of your days stuck in the past, living with failure, blaming yourself, and being a shell of a human being.
Below is a scene from the movie Rudy. You could say this was the climatic moment in the movie. Had this scene gone any different Rudy Ruettiger might not have graduated from Notre Dame, might not have been carried off the field by his teammates, might not have ended up as a motivational speaker, and certainly wouldn't have a movie made about him.
Charles Darwin kind of had it right when you developed his theory on Natural Selection. The belief that those that are the strongest and best at adapting will survive. Human beings are a little extraordinary when it comes to this theory though. We've all seen the people that have been given everything and have failed. We've also seen the people who have been given nothing and succeeded. For us, it almost always comes down to will power. That belief in yourself. That little whisper in the back of your mind that you have developed during your life that either says, "I can't" or "Bring it on ... I'll take some more!" Nike explains the whole concept pretty well...
Change is constant. It is a fact of life. Nothing stays the same. You can embrace it by growing, or become stagnant and slowly wither away out of fear. Facing that fear is the only way forward. Think about all the great people that inspire you and ask yourself what they would do.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
My Fridge and Pantry
I've gotten a lot of questions over the years about what I do to stay in shape. Interestingly, I haven't gotten so many questions about what I eat. I find this interesting because diet is the most important thing. It outweighs fitness by a large margin, and most people don't seem to understand this. There are reasons why body builders stuff their body with protein and marathon runners slurp down gel packs instead of big macs when they're running.
I was watching a documentary about Dean Karnazes who is one of the worlds top ultramarathon runners and found his normal diet vs. his race day diet interesting. Day by day he essentially lived on a Paleolithic Diet of fish, lean meat, vegetables, roots, nuts, fruit, and excludes grains, legumes, and dairy products. However, in race day you could seem him scarf down a few pizzas on a 150 mile run. The reason for the drastic change is that the foods on race day are highly processed and easily broken down by the body. He said to consume Paleolithic food on the run would cause gas, bloating, and discomfort since it generally lacked easily processed carbohydrates. One of his races he consumed a whopping 26,000 calories. As you can imagine, trying to eat 26,000 calories worth of meats and vegetables while running would leave a normal person in pain. Furthermore, trying to eat 26,000 calories clean is almost impossible. Yet, I can scarf down a Honey Bun for an easy 600 calories a piece mmmmm. Shoot, I'd probably throw up.
Hopefully, the above is a decent explanation why diet feeds physical fitness and not the other way around. So... on to what you will find in my fridge:
- Pickles (Claussens mmmmm)
- Eggs (Regular and Hard Boiled)
- Turkey
- Chicken
- Shrimp
- Mixed vegetables
- Frozen fruit (For Smoothies)
- Salad
- Almond Milk (I'm Lactose Intolerant ... ya ... go ahead an laugh lucky)
- Bison Meat (High Protein, No added hormones, all natural, low fat)
Note: Bison meat is one of the best things ever. I would eat a lot more if it wasn't so expensive.
In my pantry you will find:
- Oatmeal (The one that comes in the tub and isn't highly processed)
- Beef Jerky
- All Natural Peanut Butter
- Honey
- Mixed nuts
- Popcorn
- Lactose free protein powder
- Organic gluten free cereal
- Flat bread
- Potato chips (can't help it)
A standard meal for me would be something like mixed vegetables with shrimp, toss in some mixed nuts, maybe a pickle, a glass of water, and a protein shake with some frozen fruit and peanut butter.
Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm not an expert on nutrition but, I think I have a decent understanding of things.
I was watching a documentary about Dean Karnazes who is one of the worlds top ultramarathon runners and found his normal diet vs. his race day diet interesting. Day by day he essentially lived on a Paleolithic Diet of fish, lean meat, vegetables, roots, nuts, fruit, and excludes grains, legumes, and dairy products. However, in race day you could seem him scarf down a few pizzas on a 150 mile run. The reason for the drastic change is that the foods on race day are highly processed and easily broken down by the body. He said to consume Paleolithic food on the run would cause gas, bloating, and discomfort since it generally lacked easily processed carbohydrates. One of his races he consumed a whopping 26,000 calories. As you can imagine, trying to eat 26,000 calories worth of meats and vegetables while running would leave a normal person in pain. Furthermore, trying to eat 26,000 calories clean is almost impossible. Yet, I can scarf down a Honey Bun for an easy 600 calories a piece mmmmm. Shoot, I'd probably throw up.
Hopefully, the above is a decent explanation why diet feeds physical fitness and not the other way around. So... on to what you will find in my fridge:
- Pickles (Claussens mmmmm)
- Eggs (Regular and Hard Boiled)
- Turkey
- Chicken
- Shrimp
- Mixed vegetables
- Frozen fruit (For Smoothies)
- Salad
- Almond Milk (I'm Lactose Intolerant ... ya ... go ahead an laugh lucky)
- Bison Meat (High Protein, No added hormones, all natural, low fat)
Note: Bison meat is one of the best things ever. I would eat a lot more if it wasn't so expensive.
In my pantry you will find:
- Oatmeal (The one that comes in the tub and isn't highly processed)
- Beef Jerky
- All Natural Peanut Butter
- Honey
- Mixed nuts
- Popcorn
- Lactose free protein powder
- Organic gluten free cereal
- Flat bread
- Potato chips (can't help it)
A standard meal for me would be something like mixed vegetables with shrimp, toss in some mixed nuts, maybe a pickle, a glass of water, and a protein shake with some frozen fruit and peanut butter.
Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm not an expert on nutrition but, I think I have a decent understanding of things.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
My War
I have always been a little envious of those people that knew what they wanted to be from the day they realized the purpose of the question. You know the people I'm talking about; The ones that always wanted to be a sports star, astronaut, doctor, lawyer, politician, etc.. They never seemed to waiver, and always had steadfast focus and determination.
Why am I envious? Because making a decision to go after what you want is the hardest part. Once you know what you really want the focus and determination is secondary. These early deciders seem to be a small minority and the rest of us seem to wander aimlessly through life lost... searching for a solution to the void. It's a terrible way to live and yet so many of us do. Sometimes, this quest leads people to drugs, unhealthy relationships, self doubt, anger, frustration, and even death. Those that end up victorious seem to be the ones that dont settle and show true grit in the face of overwhelming opposition by the world we live in.
I've been on this personal mission for a while now to find certain answers. This blog is a testament to that mission. With the help of friends, mentors, family, philosophers, various religions, and my own thoughts... I'm slowly finding answers to my questions. This blog is my way of organizing those answers so that I may better understand myself. However, I like so many people have a tendancy to regress.
The part that I keep regressing on is the decision part. I know what I want but, deciding to go after it means dealing with the fear, the obstacles, the lack of focus, the how, and even sometimes the why. I saw a great quote the other day by Benjamin Disraeli that pertains to this topic greatly:
Obviously the Fight Club scene is a little extreme but, it gets the point across. We are all at a state that we CHOOSE to be which is based on genetic (in the case above survival) and learned VALUES. In the scene above the man values survival more than the pain of school and certainly more than working at a 7-Eleven. So, what he probably anguished over for years... in a matter of seconds became a clear, easy, determined choice. Some people might say, "Choice? What choice? It was either go back to school or die. Thats not a choice!" Au contraire, many times throughout history human beings have chosen death over survival. While other animals may not be able to override their genetic programming, we as humans can. That concept has immeasurable power. It's what put man on the moon.
Those people that I mentioned earlier that I envy so much. They figured out how to use that power while the rest of use look like dolts. They've taken the gun to the back of head concept and applied it to non life or death situations. They've made the idea of not becoming a doctor, astronaut, lawyer, etc. so destructive in their mind that the thought of failure is unbearable. The rest of us do it, but, we're probably not aware of it and certainly dont know how to channel it. For instance, here is something a common person might say:
"I have to go to court today. I don't have a choice. If I don't I could go to jail."
Wrong, you do have a choice. However, you've rewritten the script in your head because you VALUE your freedom over prison time. The real masters in this world can do this for just about anything. It's called mastering your state. If you don't like how you're out of shape rewrite your script. Don't like your job... rewrite your script. You're afraid of something... rewrite your script. You have a script for everything, learn to manipulate it for your own benefit.
My past scripts have held me back. They've been dictated by fear, irrational logic, and compulsion for what I want in the moment. It's up to me to decide what I really want or else I might fall victim to this quote:
"The reason I fail, is because I trade what I really want, for what I want in the moment."
This clip below really sums up everything if you haven't seen it:
Why am I envious? Because making a decision to go after what you want is the hardest part. Once you know what you really want the focus and determination is secondary. These early deciders seem to be a small minority and the rest of us seem to wander aimlessly through life lost... searching for a solution to the void. It's a terrible way to live and yet so many of us do. Sometimes, this quest leads people to drugs, unhealthy relationships, self doubt, anger, frustration, and even death. Those that end up victorious seem to be the ones that dont settle and show true grit in the face of overwhelming opposition by the world we live in.
I've been on this personal mission for a while now to find certain answers. This blog is a testament to that mission. With the help of friends, mentors, family, philosophers, various religions, and my own thoughts... I'm slowly finding answers to my questions. This blog is my way of organizing those answers so that I may better understand myself. However, I like so many people have a tendancy to regress.
The part that I keep regressing on is the decision part. I know what I want but, deciding to go after it means dealing with the fear, the obstacles, the lack of focus, the how, and even sometimes the why. I saw a great quote the other day by Benjamin Disraeli that pertains to this topic greatly:
"Nothing can resist the human will that will stake even its existence on its stated purpose."
If you don't understand what that quote means then maybe this clip from the movie Fight Club will help:
Obviously the Fight Club scene is a little extreme but, it gets the point across. We are all at a state that we CHOOSE to be which is based on genetic (in the case above survival) and learned VALUES. In the scene above the man values survival more than the pain of school and certainly more than working at a 7-Eleven. So, what he probably anguished over for years... in a matter of seconds became a clear, easy, determined choice. Some people might say, "Choice? What choice? It was either go back to school or die. Thats not a choice!" Au contraire, many times throughout history human beings have chosen death over survival. While other animals may not be able to override their genetic programming, we as humans can. That concept has immeasurable power. It's what put man on the moon.
Those people that I mentioned earlier that I envy so much. They figured out how to use that power while the rest of use look like dolts. They've taken the gun to the back of head concept and applied it to non life or death situations. They've made the idea of not becoming a doctor, astronaut, lawyer, etc. so destructive in their mind that the thought of failure is unbearable. The rest of us do it, but, we're probably not aware of it and certainly dont know how to channel it. For instance, here is something a common person might say:
"I have to go to court today. I don't have a choice. If I don't I could go to jail."
Wrong, you do have a choice. However, you've rewritten the script in your head because you VALUE your freedom over prison time. The real masters in this world can do this for just about anything. It's called mastering your state. If you don't like how you're out of shape rewrite your script. Don't like your job... rewrite your script. You're afraid of something... rewrite your script. You have a script for everything, learn to manipulate it for your own benefit.
My past scripts have held me back. They've been dictated by fear, irrational logic, and compulsion for what I want in the moment. It's up to me to decide what I really want or else I might fall victim to this quote:
"The reason I fail, is because I trade what I really want, for what I want in the moment."
This clip below really sums up everything if you haven't seen it:
Thursday, January 13, 2011
One of the best things I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
I didn't write this. A guy named Calence Emerson from San Jose, CA did. I somehow stumbled on this through another web page. The page it was hosted on no longer exists as far as I know.
The guy is only 29... and I'd say he has a great perspective on how one should live their life. If I can attain an outlook like he describes, I would consider that one of my greatest achievements. It is kind of long but worth it... Enjoy!
Unconditional Love
First of all, romantic relationships shouldn't be more work than any
friendship/personal relationship. If they are, there's a problem with
the foundation. And if your regular friendships require no work, you've
stopped moving forward.
When I'm in a relationship with someone,I run into the same problem every time. I don't have any interest whatsoever in controlling any aspect of anyone's life, and people don't like that. If they want to sleep over at a friend's house for a few days - guy or girl - I don't mind. Why would I? My personal philosophy on romantic relationships is that if there are rules added to interrupt the way either person would normally live their life, it's not going to work.
I don't argue, I don't yell, I don't degrade people. I don't get jealous - at all, ever. What is jealousy? When I find someone amazing, who makes ME feel amazing, I want EVERYONE they know to experience that feeling. I don't understand the concept of wanting to keep others from experiencing someone amazing. It's completely backwards to me.
I've got infinite patience, I can switch into friend mode at any time, I don't give unwanted advice, I can sit in silence with someone if that's what they need. I am not motivated by sex (sorry, people). I could hold someone all night, and never even think one impure thought. Even if I was interested in them. And I happen to like it that way.
I am content with my life and I know my purpose. If I am in a relationship with someone who doesn't know how to realize their purpose, there is always a risk that they will give up their path to follow me down mine. I do not want anyone to give up their dream to follow me! My ideal partner would be someone who would be willing to leave to follow their dream if our paths to our personal destiny no longer crossed. I want someone willing to let go when it's necessary.
I don't have "bad breakups." I've remained friends with everyone I have ever been with. Jaqi couldn't handle my transition, so she recently walked away from about 11 years of friendship but at least she was honest with herself about it. I can't help it if people are closed minded and brainwashed by the Dogma of Christianity. I can't help the fact that she doesn't want her family to know what I've done with my life. She can't stand up for herself, and that again is not my fault. My best friend is someone I was in a relationship with for a while - and she chose to walk down the path to her dreams which meant breaking up with me. And I'm proud of her for doing that. She married a wonderful man and has two beautiful children that I never could have given her. It has always been her dream to be a mother - and now she is. Because she followed her own dream NOT mine. And we are still as close as ever - even closer.
I don't get jealous or upset if someone I'm with is physically close with other people. Yes, there is a difference between connection and cheating. I
don't expect anyone to give up their closeness with anyone for any reason. Ever.
Learn to Love. Seriously.
I have been thinking about writing an article for my book on the ways
people control each other that is considered normal and is somehow
widely considered "acceptable."
I'll start with a quote I just read. I won't say where, though.
"I have no pictures [of him], my ex made me destroy them all."
Why do so many people submit to this kind of control and call it "love?" That's not love. That's control. And once again, it goes back to the subject of attachment and the jealousy that arises when people feel that they are going to lose someone.
The majority of people I have known in my life have stories similar to the above quote. When they enter into a new relationship, their partner coerces them into destroying everything that has to do with their ex partners. Photographs, letters, gifts, clothing, etc. They feel threatened. And the other person complies because they feel like they will lose their new partner if they don't.
Another form of control that is just beyond my scope of understanding is when people don't allow their partner to talk freely and openly with them if there is mention of a past partner. They just don't want to hear it. They want to be the world to one person, and if there is anyone else in this world who ever meant anything to their partner they feel threatened once again. Even if it is in the far past.
"If you loved me you'd burn those letters and photos."
"If you love me you won't talk about him."
And
they're left with no choice but to submit. Why? Because they feel as
though their relationship with their current partner depends on it.
... but is it worth it?
You can't erase the past. When you commit to love someone you are commiting to love that person as a whole - not just bits and pieces. Sure, some parts may be painful. But when you exert that kind of control over people you aren't helping your partner feel comfortable being open with you. You're actually closing them off more and forcing them to sneak around.
And what will you do when your current partner hides their photographs and letters instead of burning them? You'll probably find them one day and feel betrayed. But the betrayal lies not within your partner. No, the betrayal lies within you for trying to force control over their life.
... why can't people just love. Openly, honestly... in the moment, without trying to control or change the person they supposedly love?
If you are the kind of person who demands that your new partner destroy all memories with their past partners who came before you, those photographs and letters may mean more to that person than they will ever let on. If you ask someone to destroy something like that, chances are you are killing a piece of their soul. New memories don't overshadow old ones, they simply add to a person's life to make them more complete. As their new partner, you will never be to them what their past partners have been. And that's okay. Why? Because you are not those people. You are you. You can't be anyone BUT you. So why try? We need as many people in our lives as possible.
You don't have to stamp out everyone and everything that means something to your partner in order to feel loved and appreciated. Your partner can love and appreciate you for who you are - and at the same time, still love and appreciate other people in their life.
See, I don't care what anyone says - I am friends with nearly all of my past partners. And the ones I don't talk to - I just never see. I didn't kick them out of my life. We didn't have a falling out. We drifted apart to different cities, states, etc. just the same as friends do sometimes. If I saw them again there wouldn't be any tension. And I realize that is a hard concept for most people to grasp. I also understand that is one of the things people say to "watch out" for with guys. Because according to most people, guys can't be just friends with their exes. But I'd like to say that I am not the only exception to this rule. It's because I have learned how to develop healthy relationships with people that are not dependent on pain, control and jealousy. I CAN be friends with my exes, and I'd like to see someone try to stop me.
If you find yourself trying to control your partner by asking them to stop talking to certain people, stop hanging out with certain friends, cut of communication with their exes, destroy their photos and letters - no matter how mushy they may be - please take a look at your own life and try to find your own insecurities in the situation. The problem does not lie with those letters and photographs. The problem lies with you.
When you love someone, you should love them for who they are and all of their connections they have with the many diverse people in their life. You have to understand that forcing someone to stop talking about things that are important to them just because it makes you feel threatened or jealous - is not healthy. Not only does it hurt the other person because you've just put up a giant wall for them, but it hurts the relationship all together.
Instead of trying to force your partner to stop talking about people and situations you are jealous of, try to overcome that jealousy and see it for what it truly is: insecurity based on unhealthy attachment; the fear of losing something you have - simply because you expect to lose it at the drop of a hat.
Don't go through people's phones, address books, email, etc. It doesn't matter if it's your partner or not. You are not entitled to their personal space just because you are romantically involved with them. And even if they give you permission, think about why they are giving you permission. Did you ask? Because if you ask your partner if you can go through their personal space, there is a chance they only said yes to avoid a bigger conflict.
You don't have to share passwords and bank accounts and phones with someone just because they are your partner. If both people want to, then by all means go for it! But sometimes people like their independence and freedom in those areas. If that's how your partner feels, it doesn't mean they don't trust you or love you. It doesn't mean they are hiding something, either. It just means they enjoy their independence and privacy.
Learn to love, people.
Learn to love people.
Unconditionally.
Just as no one can hold other people responsible for their failures, no one can hold other people responsible for their success. It seems like an odd thing to say at first - because we all know that people can and do greatly affect our lives. But above all else, it is ultimately up to us to choose what we do.
In essence, I've taught myself to love through the opportunities I've been given.
Attachment. It's normal for people to form attachments to people and things. But it creates a cycle of suffering for all involved. As humans, we are never satisfied. When we don't get what we want, we suffer. When we get what we DON'T want, we suffer. Even when we get EXACTLY what we want, we STILL suffer because we can't hold onto it forever. And, when we have a long list of attachments we feel we need in order to be happy... if just one of them goes unmet, it tends to overshadow the ones that have been met and, once again, we suffer.
When I say I love you - I am not looking for your approval. I am not merely trying to make a difference in your life to be special to you. I am who I am. You are who you are. And I don't need to be constantly told that I am special to you. There was a time when I felt as though I needed that
reassurance from those in my life. I wanted to feel important, special, recognized, loved. But it's not something that can be felt through words. How do I know you care about me? I feel it. Spiritually. I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. I feel it when you hug me. I see and hear the way you care about others in much the same way. It's a part of you, and all that you do - not the motions you go through by tossing words around.
I now recognize how people become dependent on others for recognition and reassurance - and how the cycle of control begins. If I build you up with a million compliments - which are nothing more than my opinion - you become dependent on those compliments and find yourself living to please me just so that my image of you won't change. And so begins the cycle of pain and control.
When I tell you how amazing you are, it is not based on anything you do for me. Although you do a lot for me, if you stopped tomorrow I would still see you as absolutely amazing. It's because I really see you for who you are. Whether I "benefit" from your kindness and love - you are still incredibly beautiful. If you walked out of my life tomorrow it would be extremely painful naturally... but if that became your chosen path I would not see you as any less beautiful.
You are free to believe the way you believe, walk the path you walk, indulge in what you enjoy and be who you are - whatever that may entail. If today I applaud you for an accomplishment - and tomorrow you renounce that passion, I shall applaud your new passions, whatever they may be. It's not the content of what you do that I love - it's the passion you put into it, the amount of yourself that you put into them.
It doesn't matter what you do, only how well you do it.
I hold no desires. If I hold a desire for something, my happiness will depend on attaining that desire. If I do not attain that desire, I will suffer. Once again, the pain of attachment and desire can enter the picture and take control.
I don't want to bring you up with praise today and then send you crashing down tomorrow if I disagree with something you believe. I don't want you to think that I will love you any less if you disagree with me on even the most important issues in my life. I pray that I never put you in a position where you become dependent on my praise to feel important. I don't ever want you to form an opinion of yourself based on what I do or do not say about you or to you. Although I do wish for you to form an amazingly strong and solid opinion of yourself... I want you to find it within yourself from your perspective.
As much as we try not to become dependent on others for our self-image we also have to make sure we try not to create situations in which others become dependent on us for their self-image.
It's true that compliments and complaints are one and the same - someone else's opinion of us. We can listen to them but once we accept them we have accepted someone else's opinion of us and we allow it to define us. If we agree with compliments it boosts our ego. If we agree with complaints and negative comments it drives us into the ground.
I've learned how to love through the unconditional acceptance and love that you have shown to me. When I say the word love, I mean that deep, spiritual love that just exists on a level the ego cannot touch.
I want you to have strong, deep connections with as many people in your life as you possibly can. I want you to share your love, your kindness and compassion with all the people you have in your life. I want people to know you like I do. I want others to see into your soul the way I can. I hope you give them that oportunity.
I never fully learned how to appreciate the concept of living in the moment until I experienced what I have experienced having you in my life throughout just the last few months. I understood the concept but couldn't put it into practice. And now I do it every day. Not just with you - with everyone else in my life, too. It's wonderful.
Before we got really close, I asked Spirit to show me how to love without attachment., how to maintain the kind of connection we have without forming the unhealthy attachment that creates suffering and destruction. And all my prayers were answered. And I can apply it to everyone else in my life. Other situations, too.
I'm not going to say that no one else can make me feel the way you do.
Plenty of people contribute to the joy in my life. And you're one of them.
I'm not going to say that I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. I care about everyone equally and truly. I love everyone in my life with all of my heart, including you.
But I will say that you are the first person I have been able to love so completely and purely - but not because of you - because of me. I wasn't capable before. And I'm just glad that you are in my life now... because a few years ago I wouldn't have been able to be so real.
I love you for who you are - in this moment, every moment, from now and for always. Whatever parts of you change - opinions, beliefs, desires, ideas... it doesn't matter - because everything we do, everything we say, what we like and dislike - is all subject to change. All that is external and has nothing to do with your core existence.
I was going to make this private, but... something tells me someone else may get something out of this. So I revived it and reposted it. I don't know why, but here it is.
The guy is only 29... and I'd say he has a great perspective on how one should live their life. If I can attain an outlook like he describes, I would consider that one of my greatest achievements. It is kind of long but worth it... Enjoy!
Unconditional Love
First of all, romantic relationships shouldn't be more work than any
friendship/personal relationship. If they are, there's a problem with
the foundation. And if your regular friendships require no work, you've
stopped moving forward.
When I'm in a relationship with someone,I run into the same problem every time. I don't have any interest whatsoever in controlling any aspect of anyone's life, and people don't like that. If they want to sleep over at a friend's house for a few days - guy or girl - I don't mind. Why would I? My personal philosophy on romantic relationships is that if there are rules added to interrupt the way either person would normally live their life, it's not going to work.
I don't argue, I don't yell, I don't degrade people. I don't get jealous - at all, ever. What is jealousy? When I find someone amazing, who makes ME feel amazing, I want EVERYONE they know to experience that feeling. I don't understand the concept of wanting to keep others from experiencing someone amazing. It's completely backwards to me.
I've got infinite patience, I can switch into friend mode at any time, I don't give unwanted advice, I can sit in silence with someone if that's what they need. I am not motivated by sex (sorry, people). I could hold someone all night, and never even think one impure thought. Even if I was interested in them. And I happen to like it that way.
I am content with my life and I know my purpose. If I am in a relationship with someone who doesn't know how to realize their purpose, there is always a risk that they will give up their path to follow me down mine. I do not want anyone to give up their dream to follow me! My ideal partner would be someone who would be willing to leave to follow their dream if our paths to our personal destiny no longer crossed. I want someone willing to let go when it's necessary.
I don't have "bad breakups." I've remained friends with everyone I have ever been with. Jaqi couldn't handle my transition, so she recently walked away from about 11 years of friendship but at least she was honest with herself about it. I can't help it if people are closed minded and brainwashed by the Dogma of Christianity. I can't help the fact that she doesn't want her family to know what I've done with my life. She can't stand up for herself, and that again is not my fault. My best friend is someone I was in a relationship with for a while - and she chose to walk down the path to her dreams which meant breaking up with me. And I'm proud of her for doing that. She married a wonderful man and has two beautiful children that I never could have given her. It has always been her dream to be a mother - and now she is. Because she followed her own dream NOT mine. And we are still as close as ever - even closer.
I don't get jealous or upset if someone I'm with is physically close with other people. Yes, there is a difference between connection and cheating. I
don't expect anyone to give up their closeness with anyone for any reason. Ever.
Learn to Love. Seriously.
I have been thinking about writing an article for my book on the ways
people control each other that is considered normal and is somehow
widely considered "acceptable."
I'll start with a quote I just read. I won't say where, though.
"I have no pictures [of him], my ex made me destroy them all."
Why do so many people submit to this kind of control and call it "love?" That's not love. That's control. And once again, it goes back to the subject of attachment and the jealousy that arises when people feel that they are going to lose someone.
The majority of people I have known in my life have stories similar to the above quote. When they enter into a new relationship, their partner coerces them into destroying everything that has to do with their ex partners. Photographs, letters, gifts, clothing, etc. They feel threatened. And the other person complies because they feel like they will lose their new partner if they don't.
Another form of control that is just beyond my scope of understanding is when people don't allow their partner to talk freely and openly with them if there is mention of a past partner. They just don't want to hear it. They want to be the world to one person, and if there is anyone else in this world who ever meant anything to their partner they feel threatened once again. Even if it is in the far past.
"If you loved me you'd burn those letters and photos."
"If you love me you won't talk about him."
And
they're left with no choice but to submit. Why? Because they feel as
though their relationship with their current partner depends on it.
... but is it worth it?
You can't erase the past. When you commit to love someone you are commiting to love that person as a whole - not just bits and pieces. Sure, some parts may be painful. But when you exert that kind of control over people you aren't helping your partner feel comfortable being open with you. You're actually closing them off more and forcing them to sneak around.
And what will you do when your current partner hides their photographs and letters instead of burning them? You'll probably find them one day and feel betrayed. But the betrayal lies not within your partner. No, the betrayal lies within you for trying to force control over their life.
... why can't people just love. Openly, honestly... in the moment, without trying to control or change the person they supposedly love?
If you are the kind of person who demands that your new partner destroy all memories with their past partners who came before you, those photographs and letters may mean more to that person than they will ever let on. If you ask someone to destroy something like that, chances are you are killing a piece of their soul. New memories don't overshadow old ones, they simply add to a person's life to make them more complete. As their new partner, you will never be to them what their past partners have been. And that's okay. Why? Because you are not those people. You are you. You can't be anyone BUT you. So why try? We need as many people in our lives as possible.
You don't have to stamp out everyone and everything that means something to your partner in order to feel loved and appreciated. Your partner can love and appreciate you for who you are - and at the same time, still love and appreciate other people in their life.
See, I don't care what anyone says - I am friends with nearly all of my past partners. And the ones I don't talk to - I just never see. I didn't kick them out of my life. We didn't have a falling out. We drifted apart to different cities, states, etc. just the same as friends do sometimes. If I saw them again there wouldn't be any tension. And I realize that is a hard concept for most people to grasp. I also understand that is one of the things people say to "watch out" for with guys. Because according to most people, guys can't be just friends with their exes. But I'd like to say that I am not the only exception to this rule. It's because I have learned how to develop healthy relationships with people that are not dependent on pain, control and jealousy. I CAN be friends with my exes, and I'd like to see someone try to stop me.
If you find yourself trying to control your partner by asking them to stop talking to certain people, stop hanging out with certain friends, cut of communication with their exes, destroy their photos and letters - no matter how mushy they may be - please take a look at your own life and try to find your own insecurities in the situation. The problem does not lie with those letters and photographs. The problem lies with you.
When you love someone, you should love them for who they are and all of their connections they have with the many diverse people in their life. You have to understand that forcing someone to stop talking about things that are important to them just because it makes you feel threatened or jealous - is not healthy. Not only does it hurt the other person because you've just put up a giant wall for them, but it hurts the relationship all together.
Instead of trying to force your partner to stop talking about people and situations you are jealous of, try to overcome that jealousy and see it for what it truly is: insecurity based on unhealthy attachment; the fear of losing something you have - simply because you expect to lose it at the drop of a hat.
Don't go through people's phones, address books, email, etc. It doesn't matter if it's your partner or not. You are not entitled to their personal space just because you are romantically involved with them. And even if they give you permission, think about why they are giving you permission. Did you ask? Because if you ask your partner if you can go through their personal space, there is a chance they only said yes to avoid a bigger conflict.
You don't have to share passwords and bank accounts and phones with someone just because they are your partner. If both people want to, then by all means go for it! But sometimes people like their independence and freedom in those areas. If that's how your partner feels, it doesn't mean they don't trust you or love you. It doesn't mean they are hiding something, either. It just means they enjoy their independence and privacy.
Learn to love, people.
Learn to love people.
Unconditionally.
Just as no one can hold other people responsible for their failures, no one can hold other people responsible for their success. It seems like an odd thing to say at first - because we all know that people can and do greatly affect our lives. But above all else, it is ultimately up to us to choose what we do.
In essence, I've taught myself to love through the opportunities I've been given.
Attachment. It's normal for people to form attachments to people and things. But it creates a cycle of suffering for all involved. As humans, we are never satisfied. When we don't get what we want, we suffer. When we get what we DON'T want, we suffer. Even when we get EXACTLY what we want, we STILL suffer because we can't hold onto it forever. And, when we have a long list of attachments we feel we need in order to be happy... if just one of them goes unmet, it tends to overshadow the ones that have been met and, once again, we suffer.
When I say I love you - I am not looking for your approval. I am not merely trying to make a difference in your life to be special to you. I am who I am. You are who you are. And I don't need to be constantly told that I am special to you. There was a time when I felt as though I needed that
reassurance from those in my life. I wanted to feel important, special, recognized, loved. But it's not something that can be felt through words. How do I know you care about me? I feel it. Spiritually. I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. I feel it when you hug me. I see and hear the way you care about others in much the same way. It's a part of you, and all that you do - not the motions you go through by tossing words around.
I now recognize how people become dependent on others for recognition and reassurance - and how the cycle of control begins. If I build you up with a million compliments - which are nothing more than my opinion - you become dependent on those compliments and find yourself living to please me just so that my image of you won't change. And so begins the cycle of pain and control.
When I tell you how amazing you are, it is not based on anything you do for me. Although you do a lot for me, if you stopped tomorrow I would still see you as absolutely amazing. It's because I really see you for who you are. Whether I "benefit" from your kindness and love - you are still incredibly beautiful. If you walked out of my life tomorrow it would be extremely painful naturally... but if that became your chosen path I would not see you as any less beautiful.
You are free to believe the way you believe, walk the path you walk, indulge in what you enjoy and be who you are - whatever that may entail. If today I applaud you for an accomplishment - and tomorrow you renounce that passion, I shall applaud your new passions, whatever they may be. It's not the content of what you do that I love - it's the passion you put into it, the amount of yourself that you put into them.
It doesn't matter what you do, only how well you do it.
I hold no desires. If I hold a desire for something, my happiness will depend on attaining that desire. If I do not attain that desire, I will suffer. Once again, the pain of attachment and desire can enter the picture and take control.
I don't want to bring you up with praise today and then send you crashing down tomorrow if I disagree with something you believe. I don't want you to think that I will love you any less if you disagree with me on even the most important issues in my life. I pray that I never put you in a position where you become dependent on my praise to feel important. I don't ever want you to form an opinion of yourself based on what I do or do not say about you or to you. Although I do wish for you to form an amazingly strong and solid opinion of yourself... I want you to find it within yourself from your perspective.
As much as we try not to become dependent on others for our self-image we also have to make sure we try not to create situations in which others become dependent on us for their self-image.
It's true that compliments and complaints are one and the same - someone else's opinion of us. We can listen to them but once we accept them we have accepted someone else's opinion of us and we allow it to define us. If we agree with compliments it boosts our ego. If we agree with complaints and negative comments it drives us into the ground.
I've learned how to love through the unconditional acceptance and love that you have shown to me. When I say the word love, I mean that deep, spiritual love that just exists on a level the ego cannot touch.
I want you to have strong, deep connections with as many people in your life as you possibly can. I want you to share your love, your kindness and compassion with all the people you have in your life. I want people to know you like I do. I want others to see into your soul the way I can. I hope you give them that oportunity.
I never fully learned how to appreciate the concept of living in the moment until I experienced what I have experienced having you in my life throughout just the last few months. I understood the concept but couldn't put it into practice. And now I do it every day. Not just with you - with everyone else in my life, too. It's wonderful.
Before we got really close, I asked Spirit to show me how to love without attachment., how to maintain the kind of connection we have without forming the unhealthy attachment that creates suffering and destruction. And all my prayers were answered. And I can apply it to everyone else in my life. Other situations, too.
I'm not going to say that no one else can make me feel the way you do.
Plenty of people contribute to the joy in my life. And you're one of them.
I'm not going to say that I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. I care about everyone equally and truly. I love everyone in my life with all of my heart, including you.
But I will say that you are the first person I have been able to love so completely and purely - but not because of you - because of me. I wasn't capable before. And I'm just glad that you are in my life now... because a few years ago I wouldn't have been able to be so real.
I love you for who you are - in this moment, every moment, from now and for always. Whatever parts of you change - opinions, beliefs, desires, ideas... it doesn't matter - because everything we do, everything we say, what we like and dislike - is all subject to change. All that is external and has nothing to do with your core existence.
I was going to make this private, but... something tells me someone else may get something out of this. So I revived it and reposted it. I don't know why, but here it is.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Nature Of Suffering
There are stories of people coming to the Buddha and saying, "I am leaving your teaching because you have not told me whether there is a life after death or whether there is another world."
The Buddha says, "Did I ever say I would give you the answer to these things?"
His follower responds, "No Lord you didn't."
The Buddha says, "Why do you think that I never said that I would give you the answers to these things? Because these are not the things you need to know. The thing that you need to know is how to deal with suffering. Because at this very moment what made you ask that question was suffering."
Buddhism is interesting because it is so similar in its teachings to Christianity. For instance, Christianity has the Devil/Lucifer/Satan. You can see him consistently tempting people throughout scripture. He has almost a direct correlation to Lord Mara (The God of Desire) in the Buddhist scriptures. Buddhism teaches that desire, cravings, attachments, and resisting 'what is' leads to suffering. This is also evident in Christianity with one of the earliest and most recognizable scriptures in the Bible...
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
It was then that the Lord made childbearing painful, food scarce, and banished them both from the Garden of Eden. Buddhism is a little more direct (less story telling) with its teachings on the subject. The concept is decently explained in this clip:
Dan Millman said, "Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is. The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds."
The scene below is from the movie The Peaceful Warrior which is based on Dan Millmans book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior", and is modern spin on how cravings and resisting 'what is' leads to suffering:
Resistance to that which is causes stress. What causes that habitual resistance? Lack of self. The pain and suffering we feel merely dictates that we are insecure, we need to grow, and that we have problems that need to be addressed. If you break your arm it becomes instantly apparent that you have a problem that needs to be addressed. Emotional pain is no different... we just tend to ignore the obvious signs, or place blame on other people or things instead of facing reality. One common way we do this is by constructing our present reality with overlays of another moment in time which has already passed or has yet to come.
They say living the past will doom you to repeat it. Why is this? Because we relegate our current weaknesses and insecurities to the past instead of dealing with them in the here and now. Anything that you're worried might happen in the future is merely a projection of your current state based on past experiences. Simply put, your view of the future is a prediction based on past experiences you have not yet come to terms with. The future and the past are one and the same, and focusing on them will only serve as a crutch to you. It is the basis for why the things we fear tend to become reality; Why thinking about screwing up usually causes just that.
I've never cared much for the dogma that is pervasive in religions. I feel that it ultimately distances us from the true message. To me that message is loud and clear. My purpose in this world is growth. Like all living things, if I am not growing them I am dieing. That growth only comes from embracing change and most importantly having faith in yourself. If there is one thing that I and so many other people in this world lack, it is faith in ourselves. Fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of what is to come, can only be conquered by believing in yourself first. The only true courage is having faith in one's self. In fact, I'll be bold and assert that finding faith in yourself is much harder than finding it in God, or a God. This isn't dictated in the message as much as it is dictated by the message itself. A student makes his teacher proud by embodying the lessons they've been taught, not by praising the master.
"Believe in what He tried to teach without the rigmarole. Piety is not what the lesson bring to people, it's the mistakes they bring to the lessons." - (John Oldman: The Man from Earth)
The best things in life never come easy.
The Buddha says, "Did I ever say I would give you the answer to these things?"
His follower responds, "No Lord you didn't."
The Buddha says, "Why do you think that I never said that I would give you the answers to these things? Because these are not the things you need to know. The thing that you need to know is how to deal with suffering. Because at this very moment what made you ask that question was suffering."
Buddhism is interesting because it is so similar in its teachings to Christianity. For instance, Christianity has the Devil/Lucifer/Satan. You can see him consistently tempting people throughout scripture. He has almost a direct correlation to Lord Mara (The God of Desire) in the Buddhist scriptures. Buddhism teaches that desire, cravings, attachments, and resisting 'what is' leads to suffering. This is also evident in Christianity with one of the earliest and most recognizable scriptures in the Bible...
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
It was then that the Lord made childbearing painful, food scarce, and banished them both from the Garden of Eden. Buddhism is a little more direct (less story telling) with its teachings on the subject. The concept is decently explained in this clip:
Dan Millman said, "Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is. The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds."
The scene below is from the movie The Peaceful Warrior which is based on Dan Millmans book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior", and is modern spin on how cravings and resisting 'what is' leads to suffering:
Resistance to that which is causes stress. What causes that habitual resistance? Lack of self. The pain and suffering we feel merely dictates that we are insecure, we need to grow, and that we have problems that need to be addressed. If you break your arm it becomes instantly apparent that you have a problem that needs to be addressed. Emotional pain is no different... we just tend to ignore the obvious signs, or place blame on other people or things instead of facing reality. One common way we do this is by constructing our present reality with overlays of another moment in time which has already passed or has yet to come.
They say living the past will doom you to repeat it. Why is this? Because we relegate our current weaknesses and insecurities to the past instead of dealing with them in the here and now. Anything that you're worried might happen in the future is merely a projection of your current state based on past experiences. Simply put, your view of the future is a prediction based on past experiences you have not yet come to terms with. The future and the past are one and the same, and focusing on them will only serve as a crutch to you. It is the basis for why the things we fear tend to become reality; Why thinking about screwing up usually causes just that.
I've never cared much for the dogma that is pervasive in religions. I feel that it ultimately distances us from the true message. To me that message is loud and clear. My purpose in this world is growth. Like all living things, if I am not growing them I am dieing. That growth only comes from embracing change and most importantly having faith in yourself. If there is one thing that I and so many other people in this world lack, it is faith in ourselves. Fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of what is to come, can only be conquered by believing in yourself first. The only true courage is having faith in one's self. In fact, I'll be bold and assert that finding faith in yourself is much harder than finding it in God, or a God. This isn't dictated in the message as much as it is dictated by the message itself. A student makes his teacher proud by embodying the lessons they've been taught, not by praising the master.
"Believe in what He tried to teach without the rigmarole. Piety is not what the lesson bring to people, it's the mistakes they bring to the lessons." - (John Oldman: The Man from Earth)
The best things in life never come easy.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Vibram Five Finger KSO Review
So I bought a pair of these the other day at REI:
I went for a mile and a half in these new shoes... not sure if thats the right term for them. The reason I got these shoes is because I thought I was getting compartment syndrome along the Peroneus Longus muscle (outer calve muscle) and thought it might help with that. Furthermore, I pound my heel on the ground when I walk (from ROTC and marching) and I figured the shoes would help train myself to walk more evenly. Overall, I believe I have poor running technique and think the shoes will help drastically.
After the run I did notice that my calf muscles were sore. However, it's not like the soreness you get from doing calf presses at the gym. It is more like the pain you get in the inner forearm from doing rock climbing. I don't think I can explain it any other way... the pain is just different.
This is a very interesting video...
I went for a mile and a half in these new shoes... not sure if thats the right term for them. The reason I got these shoes is because I thought I was getting compartment syndrome along the Peroneus Longus muscle (outer calve muscle) and thought it might help with that. Furthermore, I pound my heel on the ground when I walk (from ROTC and marching) and I figured the shoes would help train myself to walk more evenly. Overall, I believe I have poor running technique and think the shoes will help drastically.
Now, on to what I noticed while running. I had a preconceived notion that I would have to consciously think about running on the balls of my feet with these things on my first run... especially considering my strong heel strike when walking. That was not the case at all. Immediately as I started running, I noticed that I ever so slightly was contacting the ground with the balls of my feet instead of my heel. I didn't expect that at all. Furthermore, the effort required to run seemed reduced. I think this is a combination between lighter footwear and more efficient energy usage. What I mean by the latter, is that energy is being stored in the leg muscles, ligaments, and tendons as the foot strikes the ground instead of absorbed by the skeletal structure of your body. Then, that ground impact energy is reused as you propell yourself forward. Which in turn, reduces the energy required for each step allowing you to go longer and faster with less effort.
During the run I did notice blisters starting to form on both my large toes. I don't see this as a negative since I expected it. After a few treks I will have calyces and blisters will be a nonissue. On a side note, I knowingly bought these shoes one size larger. I think I'm going to go back and get a size smaller. I just think they will function a little better that way.After the run I did notice that my calf muscles were sore. However, it's not like the soreness you get from doing calf presses at the gym. It is more like the pain you get in the inner forearm from doing rock climbing. I don't think I can explain it any other way... the pain is just different.
The most important part of all this, I didn't feel any knee pain or compartment syndrome pain. My magic eight ball says, "Outlook looks good."
This is a very interesting video...
... I didn't know quadrupeds couldn't pant and gallop at the same time.
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